Tuesday, May 10, 2011

1,2,3, 1

   So in the car driving today on our adventure I noticed that I count. I count cars I count the little dots in the middle of the road I count brake lights, I count trees, I count pretty much anything. But only to 3 and then its back to 1. I was thinking about why I do this and what it means. I worried maybe I am crazy, maybe my brain can't remember the number 4...maybe if I counted past 3 I would just continue counting until I a) ran out of numbers or b) lost my mind completely. And its all the time not just in cars but when I walk somewhere...when I run at the gym I count everything, people coming in, people leaving, cars driving past, how many times I change the song on my ipod before I find one worth listening to. I don't know when it started I remember counting when I was little when I walked somewhere I would try to make it to six steps in one square of the sidewalk..but then I was counting to 6 and then back to 1...somewhere along my aging I've lost 4, 5, and 6 now its just 3. 1, 2, 3, 1, 1, 2, 3, 1. I dont know how to explain it. When I watch tv I trace certain words on my leg. Anything that catches my hearing I doodle out in cursive on my leg. I count to relieve anxiety in the car, maybe out of fear that if I dont I will become a backseat driver and point out things that I notice the driver is doing that I wouldnt do. Im not sure.  Maybe to keep me from becoming car sick. Or completely convinced that I am going to die in a car accident. Counting is comforting but at the same time nerve racking. Why can i not get to 4? Who knows? Maybe its just being apart of my family has driven me insane that I have to count so that I dont flip out and kill everybody...just kidding. Hmm something to think about I guess. Tomorrow I think I will discover why my dad bothers me so much....til then xoxox

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