I seriously just almost had a panic attack, I've been away from the computer for a looooong time and for some reason my blog was no where to be found! It kept saying I didnt exist so I looked at myself and said "YES I DO WHERE IS MY BLOG MR.BLOGSPOT?! My entire profile was missing, no picture, no info, nothing. But here we are and I am so happy my blog is still intact. YAY!!!! Do the happy dance!
So why I have been away so long I did promise to go into what was going on with my "dad" the next time I wrote but things got hectic in my personal life and oh boy its been crazy. My nanny (moms mom) had to have surgery, she has diverticulitis and had a surgery in the 1980s that has caused her stomach problems for most of my life so she was hospitalized again for the pains in her stomach and she had surgery on Thursday, they removed a bunch of scar tissue and now she should be on her way to recovery, so hopefully there won't be any more problems and she'll be up and running in a few weeks =)
Now we'll do a quick recap of my life and my issues with "dad". He left me and my mom when I was less than a year old, he was addicted to drugs most of my life and popped up when I was 20. But not before calling me when I was like 7 and promising to play Candyland with me when he sobered up, needless to say I have trust issues. Especially because he didn't get sober until I was 20. I met him, it was incredibly awkward and his girlfriend didn't like me too much. We texted because I am not much of a phone person, I always struggle with what to say so I am more comfortable with texting. And she convinced him that texting wasn't enough so he and I had several fights and at one point he said the words that I'll never forgive "your mom was right you are a spoiled little bitch" So I froze him out and didn't bother caring when I didnt text daily or return his calls. I talked to him once last year and it was after my birthday. Then by thanksgiving he had fallen off the face of the earth again, I didnt know what to think so I texted on holidays and when he didnt return my texts I was indifferent. Then my nanny called around and found out from his current girlfriend that he thought we would have this amazing relationship and we would talk everyday, so I didnt text him after that until my nanny got sick. He couldnt even text me back. I called him on his birthday just to bring home the point that you may forget me and my important days but I wont forget yours and he texted me and said he "wasnt in a good place to talk" whatever that means. So Ive been angry and annoyed and borderline psycho thinking about driving to where he lives and beating him with something hard and metal but jail time doesnt seem worth it and I cant imagine it would do wonders for my CF. And then the day of the surgery I texted him and told him and guess what! He answered! It was crazy. Says he was being selfish and he wants to see me. I dont know if he is being sincere or if he feels like he has to do this to get into heaven on October 21st lol. All I know is I dont need another "man" coming into my life just to run and hide when they get their feelings hurt.
Well I am off to watch Sex and the City and lay in bed until Isaiah gets home.
Girl...you and I have more in common that you know! My biological father (sperm donor as we call him) was one heck of an SOB (drug addict, alcoholic, physical and mental abuser, selfish, control freak, psycho...yeah, the list goes on) and it took some VERY scary incidents for my mom to wake up, realize he was not a good person, and ran. We ran when I was 5...he convinced her to come back...my sister was born...he was still up to his same old tricks despite saying he would change (not sure they ever do) so we ran again. Divorce finally went through when I was about 9 (my sister only 18 mos old) and that was the las time I saw him as a child - and it was court ordered visitation - I didn't want to hee him. He never paid child support or anything..he was a total nut job...sent me a 13th b-day card (the only one I ever received) on my 12th b-day....the man didn't even know how old I was. My step-father adopted my sister and I. Then he came back into the picture when I was about 23 (because my little sister wanted to know who her dad was) so I tried to put the past in the past and thought everyone deserved a second chance. He again tried to play the "good guy" for a while...but it became very clear that he was still the same selfish nut job he had always been...to the extent of calling me names and otherwise being downright hateful because I refused to change my adopted last name back to my biological last name. Even his lame girlfriend got pissy with me over it. Hey man, I'm a girl, I'm going to get married, the last name is going to change anyway so who cares? Well, apparently that nut SOB does. I told him in 2007 that it was the last time he would hear from me...that he wasn't around for years...I didn't need him nor his or his fat girlfriend's drama...and more or less to "kiss off." Despite his attempts, I have not waivered from that...I refuse to deal with someone so hurtful, hateful, and selfish. there have been many times that I have wanted to fly back to Michigan just to kick his a$$...but yeah, that wouldn't get me anywhere but into trouble...and he's just not worth it. Sometimes some people just don't get it...don't know what great things they are missing out on...and it's not anyones fault but theirs. So honestly, I feel your pain....and understand what dissappointment you are feeling. You are certainly not alone.
ReplyDeleteOh man that sounds intense! Sorry I didn't get back sooner I had no idea I had a comment. Or even a reader lol. Yeah my "dad" has been texting me recently and he basically told me he thought that my nanny was forcing us to talk and he didnt think i actually wanted to talk to him so his feelings were hurt and instead of being a grown up and just telling me he decided that he was just going to cut me out and "think of me often but not talk to me because he didnt wanna deal with it" Now really I am 22 and when I have a problem with someone I put my big girl panties on and say something to them. I dont just disappear because its easier for me. Douchebag. I told him he should have manned up and told me how he felt but honestly it feels like whenever he has a girlfriend she decides what he says does eats and so on so I am not looking to be a part time daughter. You made me you promised me things that never happened and I am royally screwed up because of you and you wanna play the victim because you are a drug addict?! I dont think so.
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